Table of Contents
Call me Errol.
- A most worthy pseudonym, Errol. The cops won't be able to find you with that one.
What is your name, Father? Since we're being friendly and all.
- My name is whatever you want it to be, you are the one paying, Errol, it is only fair.
That's pretty lame. Fuck it, I wanna call you Father Pucker.
- Father Pucker it is, then Errol. Are you comfortable, shall we get started?
- You have showered today, haven't you? At least used some of the holy water in the font at the entrance?
Yeah, I had felafel for lunch, needed to wash my hands.
- Excellent, Errol, we're already off to a good start. Shall we begin?
Okay Father (clears throat, hears rustling sounds from the priest's side of the confessional, sounds similar to a priest's vestments being loosened). Here goes. Be gentle, okay? I haven't done this kind of thing before.
(Impatiently) Of course, my wayward sheep. Proceed.
Yes, Father Pucker. I'll start at the beginning, slowly, and work my way up. Well, I stole money from my mother's purse when I was eight. Is this a good place to start? I have many sins to get through.
- Yes, yes, as good a place as any, just keep going.
I bullied smaller children at school until they bled so that others would like me, I took the Lord's name in vain countless times, swore most terribly, was truant from classes many times, shoplifted candy and small useless toys and ran from the shops when I was caught. I lied to my parents and blamed other people for the bad things I had done. I used a magnifying glass to burn insects and small animals. Is that a sin, Father Pucker?