The Grand Unified Theory of Fun

What is this all about?

The Grand Unified Theory of Fun is the result of many hours painstaking research at the pub the other night. Simply put, the Theory explains how fun is had, distributed and destroyed.

In its simplest form (the Special Theory of Fun), it explains such things as the properties of the funon and postulates upon the existence and properties of other fundamental particles such as the anti-funon and also of fun molecules such as the clowon. However, the Special Theory is still in its infancy and as such can only explain specific circumstances of fun - research is in progress towards the General Theory.

An introduction to the Theory of Fun

The current thinking is based around the recent discovery of the funon - the fundamental particle of fun. The funon is the basis of all forms of fun - although it is theorised that it can combine with other particles to create more complex molecular fun, such as the clowon.

The funon has certain base characteristics, the two best-known of which are taste and spin. The taste indicates how a funon will be received in certain contexts. For example, a funon with low taste might be incorporated into a bawdy joke and thus not be well- received by your elderly maiden aunt. The spin of a funon dictates whether or not it will be received at all by its target. A joke consisting mainly of funons with negative spin might backfire upon the teller, thus giving them some enjoyment but little or none to their audience. It is possible that this collision can release other funons, as indicated by an audiences amusement at a performer's embarrassment but no solid research has been done in this area.

It is theorised that there exists an anti-funon, as exhibited by the fun that leaves a party when the landlord turns up.

The funon is the only known particle that is faster than light. The speed of fun is instantaneous - fun can leave a party the moment something of incredible non-fun (emitting high quantities of anti-fun) arrives.

Molecular fun

Funons are theoretically capable of combing with other base particles to form molecular fun. This behaviour is best exhibited by the joke which is a complex structure that is capable of containing a (seeminlgy) limitless quanitity of funons, all exhibiting different characteristics. The only known element of molecular fun is the clowon, although the properties of the clowon are a mystery. While one would expect that the spin of the funons in a clowon particle are all negative (the clown gets a cream pie in the face - the joke returns on them) they nonetheless create much audience amusement. When someone succeeds in splitting the clowon, this will shed much light on the properties of the funon and the ways in which they combine with other particles.

Laws of fun

The number of funons in the universe is a constant

At any given moment in time, the number of funons in the universe is exactly equal to the number of funons in the universe at any other moment of time.

To put it simply, there is exactly as much fun in the universe now as there was millions of years ago. With the rise in the human population, this has meant that there is simply not as much fun per person as there used to be. This can be observed on a macro level in such things as the increasing incidence of war, depression and television sitcoms.

Fun is not evenly spread

Fun is not evenly spread throughout the universe. Rather, it clumps in small pockets. Thus, if a great deal of fun is being had at one party, it is at the expense of others having less fun elsewhere.

There has been some talk of fun deflectors but at this stage there has not been enough research to warrant this theory being written up in full.

Research methods

At the moment the only known reliable source of fun research as alcoholic beverages. It has been suggested that the bubbles in beer are actually escaping funons - which is why flat beer is not enjoyable. Spirits and liquers are in fact solutions of fun, which is why the fun is less likely to escape over time. It is also possible that substances such as THC and LSD contain fun, though it is this researcher's personal belief that these substances are fun attractors which make the user more susceptible to funon bombardment.

Further research is being carried on day to day. Updates to the theory will be posted on a semi-regular basis. Anyone who has conducted significant independant research into fun should email their results to