Diary

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14/8/2000

Well its a Monday morning - and now over a week since Madi and I broke up. At least I'm not hungover this Monday.

My brain is currently in an interesting state. I've reached some resolutions with myself, and currently feeling much better about the universe. I'm over the angst, oh fuck stage, I've made my decisions, and nows its the get over it and get on with life stage.

This was my weekend for therapy :). I took Friday off, byt the simple expediant of telling my boss that if I had to come in on Friday, I'd start killing people. Have I mentioned lately how much I like my job :). Thanks to a wonderful person, chemical therapy happened on Thursday nite, that was a lot of fun, wandering through the city at 5 in the morning. Lots of thinking and lots of reflection happened this weekend, lots of good conversations happened at the party I went to on Saturday nite as well.

The result of this is I've come to several conclusions. 1. This is prolly a good thing. At least now we are still friendly and amicable, and its done now, rather than in three months when it gets too much and we end up hating each other. I believe we have a pretty good chance of being decent flatmates, and developing a strong relationship as friends. Which in the long run, will probably be far more successful than any relationship would be. Now all I have to do is learn how to be friends with Madi, that starts today.

The second resolution in some ways is a bit stranger. Firstly, I believe I already mentioned somewhere about being concerned about possible negative rumours and gossip, surrounding the fact I was playing with someone else while being in a relationship with madi. I'm really glad to say that this concern has been unfounded, and nothing negative along those lines has reached me. Secondly, I guess how a web diary differs from a real diary is you are aware you are also writing for an audience, and so have to decide just how honest you are going to be with yourself and your audience. And also when I'm writing stuff quite this personal, how much responsibility do I have to people who's names I am mentioning in this text, next question, is does my toy boi get a name.

I've spent the last few months developing quite an interesting relationship with the toy boi. It's been lots of fun, and had some pretty clearly defined rules that made things quite simple. This is one friendship/game I'm not interested in stopping playing at the moment. Breaking up with Madi changes all the rules - and its been a kind of akward week. After much discussion with him, we have some vague idea of a possible future. He is kind of interested in a serious relationship type thing. I have to admit that the idea doesn't sound that unappealing, however, we both acknowledge that that would be a really stupid idea right now. I need time to deal with what just happened, and time to adjust to living with madi as a flatmate. I am also being pretty cautious, as I don't want to upset Madi too much, with me playing with someone else. So for the time being, we are going to keep playing on much the same casual level as we have been, and well, you never really know what might happen in a few months.

If my heater would get repaired, spending more time in my house would be a lot more appealing, and it could be amusing to get used to the idea of having a bed to myself again :)

I'm going to Sydney in a week - I'm really quite looking forward to it. It's also my intention to travel home some weekend soonish and visit my parents and the land where I grew up, sort of a touching base and grounding sort of thing. I think I might take the toy boi with me, I could use a second driver.

I brought a backpack on the weekend. This was a good thing. I also ran a pretty good game at NotaCon. I need to set a date for a meeting to discuss NotaCon's future. I got a letter from the hospital, about my hearing problem, I forgot about my check-up a week or so ago, and didn't go, and so they want me to make another appointment, I'm not sure I can be bothered, I hate hospitals.