Diary

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7/8/2000

Strange really, you spend so much time thinking about something, and yet it still comes as such a shock....

I think the worst part is, I really don't know where this is a good or bad thing. I still haven't made my mind up, he made his mind up.

It's my turn to angst now - and all I can really think is, should I remove the handfasting pages of my website....

Me and Madi broke up. I guess it was coming, I've said as much in previous diary entries, well, we have been trying to save it, but it hasn't happened, and now its prolly not worth the effort of saving, although to be honest - I don't really know.

I keep thinking, maybe I should have done this, maybe I should have done this, maybe we should try harder. But to be honest its hard to know whats worth it. So I'll just be depressed for awhile and deal with this one day at a time.

We are going to keep living together. I get to go home soon and start rearranging furniture. Although to be honest, I'll prolly just set up the couch tonite and sleep on that. I'll prolly also move my pictures - take the handfasting ribbon off the wall, and set up my alter, which I haven't set up since I moved.

I guess I'll just keep busy. I haven't got time to collaspe and not cope. I'm kinda scared of the repercussions, I don't want to tell everyone, I want the rumour mill to do it for me, but I also don't want the rumour mill to get out of hand, and I definately don't want nasty things being said about my other toy boi (who doesn't like being referred to as a toy boi by the way)

I'm scared, but then I always am. I'm afraid of the future, but then I always am.

On a completely different note, I got an Indy (SGI) and installed IRIX today! That was kinda exciting.