Diary

8/8/2000

Maybe it isn't such a bad thing, maybe it is, but its a change. A catalyst - given that seems to be the word of the week. Maybe its time to embrace change, and grow with it, instead of resisting it and wibbling at it. It's the religion based on change the the main character in the Octavia Butler books- Parable of the Talents and Parable of the Sower preachs. And its a kind of interesting theory.

I wrote quite an essay on change once, and how I percieved it and how it impacted on me, and the defining events that could be defined as catalysts in my own life. I should see if I can find it and post it here.

People expect me to be depressed, and well, I guess I kind of am, but I'm more sort of lost/confused, and I need to sort out my mind and figure out what I want. People keep talking about support groups, and 'are you okay' and 'I here if you need me' and being all cautious like. And its really starting to shit me. Yes, I'm not the brightest most sintillating conversationalist at the moment, but I don't need sympathy, I need distraction, I need focus.

Yes, so I have a few new scars on my arm, but we all know thats just a way of marking time.

Had a smallish discussion with Madi this morning - we decided that we both wanted to keep the lounge room. So madi has decided to take the two smaller rooms as his, and I get what was our bedroom as mine.

I slept on the couch last nite by myself, well with three tiggrrs and a kitten. I don't want to sleep by myself tonight. Sleeping by myself is weird. Although no one complained about me hogging the blankets.