Diary

• Mi
  • Diary - March 2002
    • 05/03/2002
    • 06/03/2002
    • 07/03/2002
    • 11/03/2002
    • 18/03/2002
    • 19/03/2002
    • 26/03/2002
  • Diary - Febuary 2002
    • 04/02/2002
    • 14/02/2002
    • 15/02/2002
    • 17/02/2002
    • 18/02/2002
    • 19/02/2002
    • 25/02/2002
    • 27/02/2002
  • Diary - January 2002
    • 06/01/2002
    • 08/01/2002
    • 10/01/2002
    • 11/01/2002
    • 15/01/2002
    • 20/01/2002
    • 24/01/2002
  • Diary - October
    • 29/10/2001
  • Diary - July
    • 04/07/2001
  • Diary - June
    • 19/06/2001
  • Diary - May
    • 24/05/2001
  • Diary - April
    • 02/04/2001
  • Diary - Febuary
    • 05/02/2001
    • 23/02/2001
    • 28/02/2001
  • Diary - January
    • 01/01/2001
    • 05/01/2001
    • 10/01/2001
    • 16/01/2001
    • 30/01/2001
  • Diary - December
    • 12/12/2000
    • 18/12/2000
  • Diary - November
    • 29/11/2000
    • 27/11/2000
    • 9/11/2000
  • Diary - October
    • 4/10/2000
    • 10/10/2000
    • 12/10/2000
    • 13/10/2000
    • 16/10/2000
    • 25/10/2000
    • 26/10/2000
    • 31/10/2000
  • Diary - September
    • 1/9/2000
    • 4/9/2000
    • 5/9/2000
    • 8/9/2000
    • 11/9/2000
    • 14/9/2000
    • 15/9/2000
    • 18/9/2000
    • 20/9/2000
  • Diary - August
    • 1/8/2000
    • 3/8/2000
    • 7/8/2000
    • 8/8/2000
    • 14/8/2000
    • 17/8/2000
    • 20/8/2000
    • 21/8/2000
    • 23/8/2000
    • 31/8/2000
  • Diary - July
    • 6/7/2000
    • 12/7/2000
    • 20/7/2000
  • Diary - old/acg
• Holiday
• Results of Personality Tests
• Roleplaying
• Unwritten Rules
• Interests
• Quotes
• Photos
• Handfasting
• Cats
• Vurt
• Home

So its 1.45am on New Years Eve, well, technically new years day I guess and 2001So welcome to the new millenium, after all its not everyday you get to see it in twice.

Ask me this time last year and I couldn't have even guess what I'd be doing next year. This whole year has been quite a suprise.

More fireworks noises. Will they ever stop. I'm currently in a motel room in lakes entrance, typing on Mikey's laptop. Mikey is snoring away in bed. We went swimming, then had food, and wandered down to the foreshore here to watch the fireworks. Lots of people, pretty good crowd. I have glow sticks. I'm drinking left over reasonably flat champagne. Lots of fireworks, both official and unofficial, and many many flares. A whole fleet of fishing boats making pretty lights to watch, and I have a plan to go see the sun rise over the 90 mile beach in a few hours.

And am completely failing to get through to message bank, bloody congested phone lines.

What a year. and I'm hoping next year will be far better. It's been such a year of growth and change for me. Howver - its now the time to put that behind me and start fresh.

Hmmm Major changes Starting real full time work - okay - so Netizen was a fuck of a lot of work - but it was still only 30hrs a week and pretty flexible. I'm talking nine to five, five days a week. Working at Melb Uni is the right job for me. I've learnt alot. And I intend to work a lot harder at learning more stuff, especially now I've had this much needed break.

Moving out. 1. Moving away from Jerome and Nigel, I mean I'd lived with both of them since new years 96. And despite the fact we shat each other a lot, the were some of the greatest ppl and best flatmates - good friends and ppl you could count on. I still miss them. However getting my own house was great. Finally a house to myself (okay and madi), not shared with flatmates that I could make my own home in, not just a bedroom. My own kitchen! I really like my house. It's a shame that I'm not likely to be there for long - unless i can find a new flatmate come june. Or who knows - a miracle might happen and madi may hang around in brunswick a little longer - but I don't expect so. Come June, any contract me and madi have is up.

Madi. Hmm...I guess all I can say is I tried. It was an experience. It was prolly my first true love, I mean I thought myself in love before, but never prepared to give so much to one person. I think madi was 'the one' and yeah - we made a lot of mistakes. I'm not sure its something that will ever fade completely. I think its an experience I'm really glad happened (despite the ending) And a time I wouldn't trade with anyone. The most amazing person was part of my life for a long time. I still love him, still care for him and prolly always will. And so while I seriously regret the break-up, and often wander what we could have done to make it work. I also acknowledge that it was prolly the right thing.

Hmmm...so where to next.

I've been in a grey space as I've been sorting out my life and changing direction and who I am and what I want to do.

I guess I still want to marry someone stupidly rich and eccentric that gives me money to do what I want :)

Seriously tho - This holiday has been good - a much needed break and me time.

I guess the easiest thing to do is plunge in headfirst. Make new friends, get to know those I have better, and have more close friends. Start community building again and be some one. Be myself - not half a relationship. Learn more, teach myself more. Get healthier (alot). More self control, more independance, more self esteem and self reliance.l Learn to say and ask what I want. And work at being really honest with people. Figure out what I want and get it.

Go out and be me - be someone, not just a sidekick or member of a group. I guess I've always wanted to be a leader and usually have been. Note tho that leader doesn't imply social secretary.

Talk to Roie - Toying with the idea of starting up brunch again. Of course - not until after Arcanacon. hmmm...how hard is Arc going to be to leave.

Mikey...hmm...he is definately not the one. I thought for awhile he could be nice to be with seriously, but I think thats because he has been representing stability in my life, of which there hasn't been much, and some of his dreams coincide with mine. He also has much to teach me. I fear howegever its a very onesided relationship, and one I'm prolly getting much more out of it. I keep looking around and wondering what I can bring to it to be more balenced - there are some little things, but for the moment I'll keep looking, and maybe if he reads this he'll give me some hints. For the moment - the sex is good (really) and the friendship and companionship is fantastic. And thats enough - I don't need or when i'm honest want much more. It would only be a distraction at this stage of my life. I am however very content to keep things going as they are for a bit longer. Although of course, cons and recovery will mean more me time - or at least more time apart. Sooner or later I will decide I do want a deeper emotional attachment in my life - and when I do - well, it will possibly be problematic, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, and see what fate throws at me. Now for the moment however I'm content without the hassel of emotional gushy shite.

I also have a suspicion lee will take up a bit of time.

I have several friends I have to make a serious effort to spend more time with. I have Christina to go camping with. I have a new wetsuit that will need to be used alot. I have an operation coming up that I have to get better really quickly and not use up to much sick time or leave - as I'll need it for road tripping later in the year. And I am getting a new laptop - so I'll have to use it lots. Use it for learning more geek stuff and also lots more writing. I need to write stuff that could be published - not just diary like things (although they are at least writing). I also need to work on my sketching, I have plenty of volunteer models.

I think I'd like to do alot more travelling/ roadtripping/ exploring/ trying and seeing new things in 2001.

I keep thinking about potential overseas travel. But I think I have lots more of Australia to explore first. Oneday I'll save up to travel - when I've found the right travel companion.

Lots of SMS messages just came through. Must be queueing up and sneaking past blockages. Its been bloody difficult using phones tonite.

DO you think I'll still have this writing in some years time? Barring computer failure I hope so. I should back up more. Or I could lose lots of stuff. Do you think I'll look back on it and laugh at my naivety? or regret the girl I once was, or feel sadness for old dream. I hope I'll smile and remember these times fondly.

It's been a strange tempestous year, full of change, and growth. It started on a really good note. This year has started on a quiet and much more reflective note (as you can tell) however I still feel excited and positive and full of hope for the future.

Crossed fingers and see what fate brings me, but also reach out and grab what I want and strive to succeed in my goals.