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Mediocrity - or can't sing, can't dance, can draw a bit

Night of depressing thoughts, still trying to come up with the positive twist on the story.

I want to be a writer. I write lots of stuff. But its never very good, and worse still I'm surrounded by people who write stuff thats far better, and they write it effortlessly and come up with words and phrases that roll off the tongue and set the heart or brain to raging. I can't write that good - and trying just sets the example of how ordinary my prose is.

I read pretty well, I read a lot and I read fast, I'm still not as widely read as some people.

I'm a geek. But then, I'm only a very low level geek. There are concepts I have a hard time grasping, there is stuff I just don't see, and its probably a lack of dedication to really immerse myself in geekness and learn the obscure little facts and revel in the geek culture. I remind myself that I'm surrounded by some exceptional geeks, so being only average around them isn't bad, because these guys are among the ones setting the high standards. But that doesn't disguise the fact I'm only ordinary, or an average geek.

I'd like to be an actor. I used to be pretty good. Again, I look around and see so many people that are far better at it, and they are far more pleasurable to watch perform than I am.

I can draw okay. It takes effort, it takes concentration, and I'm guessing I don't have the passion or dedication to take it past the scribbling stage. And again, I know ppl that can do far better effortlessly.

What I'd really like is to get published, my work shown somewhere, or maybe just produce something worthy of display.

Am I average, mediocre, is Salieri my patron saint? Or am I just surrounded by Exceptionally talented people? So for me the bar is higher than most. I am exposed to genius, I live with it I work with it I play with it. No wonder I find it hard to compete. Does this mean I should accept the fact that my work will appear mediocre when presented alongside others work. Or should I use these exceptional people around me as inspiration and incentive to do better.

There are people that tell me I shouldn't feel I have to compete. But that's not true. Not competing is giving in, and accepting that its okay to be average. I've never wanted to be average, I've always wanted to be exceptional. I guess thats a goal of sorts, and I should be drawing inspiration from those around me.

In fact thats sounds like a pretty good plan. So out I go armed with my sketch pad, and my new puter for writing, a bag full of books, my brain for ideas, my body for movement and my friends for inspiration.