Diary

• Mi
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6/7/2000

It occurs to me I really need to drag out some of my old writing here. All the stuff about questing, and hopeing and dreaming and not quite touching the real world and being all wild and fae. Because I've lost that. I used to have it, and maybe I have and maybe I haven't list it, but I'm definately finding it hard to hold onto. My life has gotten really strange lately, and not in a manner I ever envisioned. ANd now's were I have to decide whether to explain for the reader, or plunge straight in and see who can keep up. BUt then again, I seriously doubt anyone will ever bother to read this anywhere, with som much out there on the web, why would one bother reading this trite trash.

I feel weird, really weird. I'm on the wrong side of a convention, so that may explain something, but it's possibly just that so much is happening in my life right now. I'm moving house, that's the big news. I'm moving to a lovely Victorian in Brunswick, its got two large rooms and two small rooms - so we get a lounge room, a bedroom and a small room each. Madi will fill his full of computers, me, probably a spare bed and books. It's also got a large open plane living area/kitchen and garden and is so close to the zoo you can here the animals. It's a bit expensive, and I'm not sure how affordable it will be. Especially given Madi is crap at putting his share of money in the joint account. It's a move that will either save or destroy my relationship with Madi.

Money sucks. Money really really sucks... I was out of debt on the credit card, but I'm right back in there again, I used it to pay bond, Madi is about to be lots in debt too, we are going to buy much needed white goods and furniture. We don't have to pay quite so much for them, but we are, and we are going to be in much debt...bleah. I got private health insurance the other day. It's nessesary unfortunately and the circumstances that make it nessesary make me really angry. I haven't yet told madi that even if we decide to get get cable I'm not convinced we can afford it. I'm sick of being broke at the end of the week...

Work is strange, I have the time and the freedom to do what I want and learn what I want, and I am. But I'm also rather bored and moreso desparately lonely at work. I like the freedom, I miss the compnay though, I miss have Benno or Morgan on the next desk along. I have to go upstairs if I want to see people. Yeah, there are students out in the lab, but they don't really count. On rare occasions I get friends drop in, and thats rather nice.

I've done good things on vurt.net, I've done good things with NotaCon and Arcanacon. I guess I've established my place in the gaming community and done my bit. However its not the reputation I want. And to be honest, it's not really noticed anyway. It's just something that happened. Despite the fact that Arcanacon was a success, and the changes a success, I'm feeling rather flat about it, I fought bloody hard for those changes, and put in smeg loads of effort. But when it comes down to it I'd rather be playing or writing or gming, and not have to bother about anything else. Do I care about the community as much as I thought, is it true altruism? More to the point, does anyone else care? I don't really know. I just want to be a damn good writer, and I have a long way to go on that goal.

Good things at the moment. Despite all my bitching, life is pretty good. Work is good, moving will be good as will buying new furniture and white goods. Having my own house should be fantastic, as will real hot water pressure and my own kitchen. Madi is happier I think, and after the move should be more so. We will make things work. I'm spending time with some very cool people at the moment, and getting to know others better, and this is a very good thing TM.

That's probably enough self indulgence for one day, and besides, it's lunch time and I'm hungry.