Diary

• Mi
  • Diary - March 2002
    • 05/03/2002
    • 06/03/2002
    • 07/03/2002
    • 11/03/2002
    • 18/03/2002
    • 19/03/2002
    • 26/03/2002
  • Diary - Febuary 2002
    • 04/02/2002
    • 14/02/2002
    • 15/02/2002
    • 17/02/2002
    • 18/02/2002
    • 19/02/2002
    • 25/02/2002
    • 27/02/2002
  • Diary - January 2002
    • 06/01/2002
    • 08/01/2002
    • 10/01/2002
    • 11/01/2002
    • 15/01/2002
    • 20/01/2002
    • 24/01/2002
  • Diary - October
    • 29/10/2001
  • Diary - July
    • 04/07/2001
  • Diary - June
    • 19/06/2001
  • Diary - May
    • 24/05/2001
  • Diary - April
    • 02/04/2001
  • Diary - Febuary
    • 05/02/2001
    • 23/02/2001
    • 28/02/2001
  • Diary - January
    • 01/01/2001
    • 05/01/2001
    • 10/01/2001
    • 16/01/2001
    • 30/01/2001
  • Diary - December
    • 12/12/2000
    • 18/12/2000
  • Diary - November
    • 29/11/2000
    • 27/11/2000
    • 9/11/2000
  • Diary - October
    • 4/10/2000
    • 10/10/2000
    • 12/10/2000
    • 13/10/2000
    • 16/10/2000
    • 25/10/2000
    • 26/10/2000
    • 31/10/2000
  • Diary - September
    • 1/9/2000
    • 4/9/2000
    • 5/9/2000
    • 8/9/2000
    • 11/9/2000
    • 14/9/2000
    • 15/9/2000
    • 18/9/2000
    • 20/9/2000
  • Diary - August
    • 1/8/2000
    • 3/8/2000
    • 7/8/2000
    • 8/8/2000
    • 14/8/2000
    • 17/8/2000
    • 20/8/2000
    • 21/8/2000
    • 23/8/2000
    • 31/8/2000
  • Diary - July
    • 6/7/2000
    • 12/7/2000
    • 20/7/2000
  • Diary - old/acg
• Holiday
• Results of Personality Tests
• Roleplaying
• Unwritten Rules
• Interests
• Quotes
• Photos
• Handfasting
• Cats
• Vurt
• Home

Lying in bed this morning, the warm spot beside me vacted earlier than normal. All alone in a strange house, well a not so strange house, maybe even a place I'm beginning to feel safe and comfortable. Another conversation last nite that left me feeling warm as I learn more about the new boi, and how better to predict/react/understand. A conversation that comes just in time as the doubts start builing. I think the level of honesty and openness policy towards each other is interesting, its strange and scary and sometimes embarrasing, but the best hope for success lies in that direction. And there are days I have doubts, and days I don't see much hope at all, but there are also days when I think how joyful it is to be building friendships and getting to know and growing closer to another person and hope that thinks all work out for the best whatever the best may be.

Today is a hopeful day

i had an extrodinarily strange dream last nite/this morning. Two people, it was kind of me and megan, but not really , just two nebulous strangers, in fact I think the character I was playing may have been male. We were wandering through ashburton, or maybe camberwell or some other nice suburb and looking at houses, however we would see one we liked, and wander up and investigate how hard it would be to break into, if it was relatively straightforward and easy to break into the house, we would, not to steal anything or cause damage, but simply to have a better look at a funky house. We discover one lovely house that had immaculate wood work and a gloriously high ceiling. However upon breaking into this house, one of the residents chose the wrong moment to come down the stairs and catch us, we ran of course, but were followed and caught, rather than trying to escape, we choose the 'well we weren't actually doing anything bad, lets try explaining' option. So we explained to these people that we really just wanted to see inside the house, we were nice ppl, had no damage or mischief in mind, and pointed out the security flaws that they should look at in case someone with less pure motivatins than us came along.

We then got invited in for breakfast, and got talking to the people that lived there, and given a tour of the rest of the house, unfortunately after the rather grand large open space with the high ceilings, alot of the rooms were rather small and pokey, with at least one kid sleeping on a mattress in a cupboard. There was definite flirtations going one with various members of the household - which the parental type figures in the household weren't to happy about - but having invited us in, didn't want to ask us to leave. I think the other character (my friend) went off and shagged one of the other boys in the household, here's were it got really vague, and I could here mikey walking around and getting ready for work, so i was kind of half awake, and My character was definately trying to shag this girly, but not sure if they managed it.

I think what was strangest about this dream was the fact I wasn't myself, but was very clearly some one, I'm usually always my own main character, but this time I wasn't. Maybe thats an indication of the fact I'm going through this period of change and redefinition at the moment, so therefore my identity is still kinda blurry and vague, rather like in the dream. Then again, it could have just been a weird dream, after all the other person with me in the dream was sort of someone i know. To quote rose walker 'Dreams are silly and funny and sometimes they scare me'. I dream lots of weird shit.

I left the house today, and the wind was amazing, not to strong, but strong enuff to blow out my coat and feel like fun. The sky was an amazing colour and the world smelled fresh, it was the sort of day they write about in books using phrases like 'pregnant with possibilities'. The sort of day that makes you want to run and jump and climb up to a high place and simply breath and feel the universe around you, and know that its alive. And then yell and sing and dance and hug and exult in the possibilities of the future. The sort of day and the sort of mood that leave you feeling you can accomplish anything. It is possibility, it is dream, it is hope.

I think healing may be getting closer. I'm understanding more, I'm getting in touch with me, Spring is helping alot. The fact that summer is just around the corner, the fact that I'm exchanging email with some wonderful people, the realisation and reaffirmation that I do have friends and I do have a place, and it's up to me to make my goals and seize them. I can do this.

It may just be the full moon last nite, it may just be me, it may be hope

Now I'm justing wasting time until hometime, which isn't far away, hooray! I've got new hair, well, red hair, and its getting cut as well :) And wonderful new shampoo which makes my hair all silky and soft and feels nice :) *purrrr* I've been patting my head all day.

I've got a rocky rehearsal tonite - which gives me all of about half an hour to clean house before rocky cast descends upon it. I also hope to get in some twirling practice tonite, or park playing or something, here's hoping rehearsal doesn't take to long. I should write down that list of names for the cinema...

Tomorrow nite is Abyss re-opening at Palladin, that makes me feel happy, because I likethe venue and glad its back there, on a sadder note, SubCulture is closing, final nite on Saturday, apparently a punter OD'd and died, and so the venue is closing. This makes me feel strange, I never like reading OD stories - always make me a bit paranoid, and I've had some very good times at Sub C - so will be missed in a strange way.